change me

Hello 2014. You know its only been minutes of 2014 rising into a new year, and yet the year so far, brought no luck. It brought depression, and so far, I am hating my life just as much as before. Exactly what was the point of changing everything, when I am still stuck in the past of my sorry reputation. My reputation of having no life, my reputation of doing projects and making excellent grades. No matter how much I changed, my reputation would remain. I couldn't erase the past, and just be pretty and popular. I'm not and never was popular. I am a loser, with no mom, no friends, no person who cares, no person who gives a damn about my life. If I did loose a few pounds, and change my hair, and change a few other things, who would notice... who would care. No one, because I am a no one. I realize my attempts to reverse my own status would not change anything. Change is supposed to be my cure for loser-itis. It's not. Honestly I shouldn't try, I should just not care. I should let people choose me, instead of choosing someone to dream to hang out with. I want, and need to change, but who gives a fuck about myself, or my decisions. I want escape, I want out of my sorry ass, unwanted life.